Is it weird for someone you don't know and have never met to be one of your role models? If so, then I'm weird. What's new...
I went to the Miss. LSU pageant on Sunday. Yea, you read that right. I sat through a beauty pageant. Let me clarify that it was to support one of my great friends, Miss. Megan Rogers (who looked phenomenal and is so amazingly beautiful inside AND out). And I won't lie, I was rather uncomfortable for a majority of the pageant. But then 2009's Miss. LSU got up and gave her speech, and I was floored. She was unbelievable, and in that moment I got to see all of the characteristics I would love to have myself materialize right there on the floor of the PMAC. She might have been one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life (she looks exactly like Quinn Fabrey, for all the Glee fans out there), but she was humble, and loving, and passionate, and sweethearted, and so in love with Jesus that she was in tears when talking about how much He's blessed her. She spoke about the great opportunities she's had while serving as Miss. LSU, and I've never listened to a speech more genuine in my life.
Talk about a gut-check. I guess it makes things a little different when you realize that all these things you desire are actually attainable. I'm sure Ainsley isn't that amazing all on her own, and nor would she ever say she was. She knows her strength comes from Jesus, and she wants everyone to know it.
So if you know Ainsley, she is a shining example of what I know God is shaping me towards. It was such an encouragment just to experience her presence. I hope that one day I can have that same effect on my Christian sisters, and make it abundantly clear that I'm living my life
Fearless
3/19/10
Free as a bird, it's the next best thing to be.
I find that sometimes I avoid blogging because I feel like I'll be writing the same thing I just wrote a week ago. That's mostly because I keep having to wrestle with the same issues day in and day out, sometimes they just have a different spin or angle. I wake up everyday and have to fight my flesh. I have to fight my self-deprecating nature and try my hardest to see myself the way Christ does. I have to fight to put aside my selfishness in order to be the woman and sister in Christ that Jesus calls me to be.
I'm not sure when this voice in my head that tells me I can't do anything and am worth nothing came about, but I hate it. For the longest time it's just sat in the very back of my brain and spewed lies. The hardest part in beginning to wage war against this voice was just realizing it was there. For years, every time I set out to do something that would be difficult or challenging, my brain immediately reacted with "Nope. You can't do this. You're going to fail. Might as well just quit now, before you make a fool of yourself." Do you know how many things I've talked myself out of doing for fear of failure??
Or even worse is the voice telling me how selfish I'm being, when I in fact am not. I don't know if I can really explain it, but I have an extremely over-developed sense of guilt (I partly blame genetics, my mother is the same exact way.) There are countless opportunities I've walked away from, and even more situations I've stayed in that I should've walked away from because I felt bad. I felt bad. I felt like, by taking care of myself, I was failing that other person. When in reality, I was only failing myself.
I was scared to do the difficult things, which are a part of life, a part of life that make you stronger.
I recently was presented with such a situation, and for one of the first times in my life, I was able to defeat the voice in my head that started lying to me right from the start, and do what I needed to do. I was able to pull myself up, deal with the cards I was handed, and take care of myself. It was uncomfortable and down right miserable at points, but Jesus and I prevailed. I have never prayed so much, nor have I ever seen God's presence and provision quite so blatantly in my life. Overwhelmed to the point of tears, I got to sit back and watch the Savior of the Universe just down-right show off. It was cool. He took care of me, and helped me have the strength of overcome the lies and follow His will.
Life's getting really good...I can barely keep the smile off of my face. For the first time in years, I can catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and truly believe that I'm beautiful and loved and redeemed. It's a good place to be.
Yeah, it's good to be
Fearless.
I'm not sure when this voice in my head that tells me I can't do anything and am worth nothing came about, but I hate it. For the longest time it's just sat in the very back of my brain and spewed lies. The hardest part in beginning to wage war against this voice was just realizing it was there. For years, every time I set out to do something that would be difficult or challenging, my brain immediately reacted with "Nope. You can't do this. You're going to fail. Might as well just quit now, before you make a fool of yourself." Do you know how many things I've talked myself out of doing for fear of failure??
Or even worse is the voice telling me how selfish I'm being, when I in fact am not. I don't know if I can really explain it, but I have an extremely over-developed sense of guilt (I partly blame genetics, my mother is the same exact way.) There are countless opportunities I've walked away from, and even more situations I've stayed in that I should've walked away from because I felt bad. I felt bad. I felt like, by taking care of myself, I was failing that other person. When in reality, I was only failing myself.
I was scared to do the difficult things, which are a part of life, a part of life that make you stronger.
I recently was presented with such a situation, and for one of the first times in my life, I was able to defeat the voice in my head that started lying to me right from the start, and do what I needed to do. I was able to pull myself up, deal with the cards I was handed, and take care of myself. It was uncomfortable and down right miserable at points, but Jesus and I prevailed. I have never prayed so much, nor have I ever seen God's presence and provision quite so blatantly in my life. Overwhelmed to the point of tears, I got to sit back and watch the Savior of the Universe just down-right show off. It was cool. He took care of me, and helped me have the strength of overcome the lies and follow His will.
Life's getting really good...I can barely keep the smile off of my face. For the first time in years, I can catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and truly believe that I'm beautiful and loved and redeemed. It's a good place to be.
Yeah, it's good to be
Fearless.
3/7/10
Hour-to-hour
"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." -Phillipians 1:6
Can you believe He's not finished with you yet? It's so easy to get completely encompassed in yourself to the point that you forget that you're a constant work in progress. It's also equally easy to get so down on yourself that you struggle to believe that God could ever change these things in yourself that you know just need to go. Seriously, I doubt that the Prince of Peace isn't strong and consistent enough to rid me of my unrest and selfishness? I am confident that God will perfect the work He's began in me.
I have this weird imbalance in my ability to be content. Day-to-day, I don't think I'm too shabby at it. Today sucks? Okay. Roll with the punches, and tomorrow will be better. You don't like me? Eh, okay. There are plenty other people who do. Hour-to-hour, work to school to work to studying, I think I'm pretty good at being content with what's handed to me. After all, I am simply running a race, and all these hindrances are part of the whole plan.
But long-term, being content with where I am right now, not so much. I won't lie, I am very, very over being in college. I'm very over having to study my butt off for classes that I couldn't possibly care less about, having to juggle school and work and a social life. It's very difficult for me to focus on today, and not go into "fairy-tale la la land" and start day dreaming about graduation and marriage and babies. (Deep breaths, Alex. Deep breaths.)
But in all of that, I'm the one that ends up missing out. School sucks, yes, but soak it in. It's an opportunity to be a light, just like everything else is. It gets really stressful sometimes having a job and 15 hours, but I'll be well adjusted to having a lot on my plate once real life starts. No, I am not married, or engaged, and I may not be for some time, but that's a good thing right now. Work out the kinks, enjoy each other, and stop trying to speed towards something that God just doesn't have for you yet.
Enjoy today. And not just in passing. Look around you and realize that you've got it pretty dang good. Instead of setting your eyes on the things that a year from now may hold for you, re-set your eyes on Jesus. He's much easier to run towards, because He's consistent. And He wants you to look at Him.
Live in today, not tomorrow.
Live today
Fearless
Can you believe He's not finished with you yet? It's so easy to get completely encompassed in yourself to the point that you forget that you're a constant work in progress. It's also equally easy to get so down on yourself that you struggle to believe that God could ever change these things in yourself that you know just need to go. Seriously, I doubt that the Prince of Peace isn't strong and consistent enough to rid me of my unrest and selfishness? I am confident that God will perfect the work He's began in me.
I have this weird imbalance in my ability to be content. Day-to-day, I don't think I'm too shabby at it. Today sucks? Okay. Roll with the punches, and tomorrow will be better. You don't like me? Eh, okay. There are plenty other people who do. Hour-to-hour, work to school to work to studying, I think I'm pretty good at being content with what's handed to me. After all, I am simply running a race, and all these hindrances are part of the whole plan.
But long-term, being content with where I am right now, not so much. I won't lie, I am very, very over being in college. I'm very over having to study my butt off for classes that I couldn't possibly care less about, having to juggle school and work and a social life. It's very difficult for me to focus on today, and not go into "fairy-tale la la land" and start day dreaming about graduation and marriage and babies. (Deep breaths, Alex. Deep breaths.)
But in all of that, I'm the one that ends up missing out. School sucks, yes, but soak it in. It's an opportunity to be a light, just like everything else is. It gets really stressful sometimes having a job and 15 hours, but I'll be well adjusted to having a lot on my plate once real life starts. No, I am not married, or engaged, and I may not be for some time, but that's a good thing right now. Work out the kinks, enjoy each other, and stop trying to speed towards something that God just doesn't have for you yet.
Enjoy today. And not just in passing. Look around you and realize that you've got it pretty dang good. Instead of setting your eyes on the things that a year from now may hold for you, re-set your eyes on Jesus. He's much easier to run towards, because He's consistent. And He wants you to look at Him.
Live in today, not tomorrow.
Live today
Fearless
3/3/10
Running away from the Britney Spears complex
It's actually really exhausting trying to be something you're not. And when I'm tired, I'm cranky. Doesn't make for a very happy, positive individual. And even though it's been over a month since God ripped off my blinders and showed me the world I had been living in, I still slip into selfish, negative mode sometimes.
It's all about what you have your eyes set on.
What you're focusing on is what's going to consume you.
I, sadly, will never look like this:
And while I think that Britney's got enough on her plate without people placing blame on her, I have totally spent the past few years suffering from the Britney Spears complex. Obsessed with being skinny and blonde and talented and well liked and everything everyone needs and wants you to be. It sucks. That's probably why she's always crying...
But no, for real, all the make up, all the hair, all the cute clothes, all the perfectly posed pictures, it's a sham. No one wrapped up in all the perfection is really happy. They may think they're happy behind their walls and masks, and that's the saddest part, when you start even fooling yourself into thinking your happy.
I like to run. Partially because I know I'm burning off that Izzo's burrito I ate earlier, but more so because it's a break from everything. I can't talk because my lungs are too busy trying to suck air, and I can't be attached to my cell phone or facebook or twitter. Wearing make-up is pointless because it just gets in the way, and except for the few annoying people who look perfect even when they're working out, all the people around you are red in the face and sweaty and panting. And no matter how much my body might hate me after, I love it.
Maybe that's what makes it so easy for Hebrews 12 to be my favorite part of the Bible ever:
""Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us RUN with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." -Hebrews 12:1-2
It's all about what you're consumed with. What your eyes are fixed on. What you're running towards.
Again, totally don't have this on lock. I hope and pray for a day that every time my feet hit the floor in the morning I'm running towards Jesus. But for now, I'll continue to check myself through out the day. And I'll continue to be thankful for my friends that keep me in check, and who I know, when I look to my left and to my right, are there running next to me. I'll keep picking myself when I do stupid stuff and stumble during the race. And I'll keep my eyes fixed on the author and perfecter of my faith, my Jesus.
It's a marathon, not a sprint. Keep the faith. Run the race.
Stay
Fearless.
It's all about what you have your eyes set on.
What you're focusing on is what's going to consume you.
I, sadly, will never look like this:
And while I think that Britney's got enough on her plate without people placing blame on her, I have totally spent the past few years suffering from the Britney Spears complex. Obsessed with being skinny and blonde and talented and well liked and everything everyone needs and wants you to be. It sucks. That's probably why she's always crying...
But no, for real, all the make up, all the hair, all the cute clothes, all the perfectly posed pictures, it's a sham. No one wrapped up in all the perfection is really happy. They may think they're happy behind their walls and masks, and that's the saddest part, when you start even fooling yourself into thinking your happy.
I like to run. Partially because I know I'm burning off that Izzo's burrito I ate earlier, but more so because it's a break from everything. I can't talk because my lungs are too busy trying to suck air, and I can't be attached to my cell phone or facebook or twitter. Wearing make-up is pointless because it just gets in the way, and except for the few annoying people who look perfect even when they're working out, all the people around you are red in the face and sweaty and panting. And no matter how much my body might hate me after, I love it.
Maybe that's what makes it so easy for Hebrews 12 to be my favorite part of the Bible ever:
""Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us RUN with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." -Hebrews 12:1-2
It's all about what you're consumed with. What your eyes are fixed on. What you're running towards.
Again, totally don't have this on lock. I hope and pray for a day that every time my feet hit the floor in the morning I'm running towards Jesus. But for now, I'll continue to check myself through out the day. And I'll continue to be thankful for my friends that keep me in check, and who I know, when I look to my left and to my right, are there running next to me. I'll keep picking myself when I do stupid stuff and stumble during the race. And I'll keep my eyes fixed on the author and perfecter of my faith, my Jesus.
It's a marathon, not a sprint. Keep the faith. Run the race.
Stay
Fearless.
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