It's actually really exhausting trying to be something you're not. And when I'm tired, I'm cranky. Doesn't make for a very happy, positive individual. And even though it's been over a month since God ripped off my blinders and showed me the world I had been living in, I still slip into selfish, negative mode sometimes.
It's all about what you have your eyes set on.
What you're focusing on is what's going to consume you.
I, sadly, will never look like this:
And while I think that Britney's got enough on her plate without people placing blame on her, I have totally spent the past few years suffering from the Britney Spears complex. Obsessed with being skinny and blonde and talented and well liked and everything everyone needs and wants you to be. It sucks. That's probably why she's always crying...
But no, for real, all the make up, all the hair, all the cute clothes, all the perfectly posed pictures, it's a sham. No one wrapped up in all the perfection is really happy. They may think they're happy behind their walls and masks, and that's the saddest part, when you start even fooling yourself into thinking your happy.
I like to run. Partially because I know I'm burning off that Izzo's burrito I ate earlier, but more so because it's a break from everything. I can't talk because my lungs are too busy trying to suck air, and I can't be attached to my cell phone or facebook or twitter. Wearing make-up is pointless because it just gets in the way, and except for the few annoying people who look perfect even when they're working out, all the people around you are red in the face and sweaty and panting. And no matter how much my body might hate me after, I love it.
Maybe that's what makes it so easy for Hebrews 12 to be my favorite part of the Bible ever:
""Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us RUN with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." -Hebrews 12:1-2
It's all about what you're consumed with. What your eyes are fixed on. What you're running towards.
Again, totally don't have this on lock. I hope and pray for a day that every time my feet hit the floor in the morning I'm running towards Jesus. But for now, I'll continue to check myself through out the day. And I'll continue to be thankful for my friends that keep me in check, and who I know, when I look to my left and to my right, are there running next to me. I'll keep picking myself when I do stupid stuff and stumble during the race. And I'll keep my eyes fixed on the author and perfecter of my faith, my Jesus.
It's a marathon, not a sprint. Keep the faith. Run the race.