virgins: the silent minority

So, uh..I have a question.

When did being a virgin become so stinking uncool?

If you follow me on twitter, you saw that I tweeted the other day about the preview for the new TLC show "Virgin Diaries". Google it if you dare. I die. I can't even bring myself to link to it here. What our society has done to virginity {&, let's be real, sexuality in its entirety} just totally bums me out. It's kind of hard to believe that there used to be a day where it was something that was treasured and praised. That it was a desired trait in a mate. And even more shocking, not just for females. You mean there was a day where a man waited to have sex until he got married and wasn't shamed and ridiculed for it? Um...I want to go to there. Because we sure ain't there now {...40 Year Old Virgin, anyone? Most painful movie to watch ever?}

But it's not just men being slammed for waiting. It's us women too. I won't lie, I get a certain amount of pleasure out of peoples' reaction when they find out I'm waiting till I get married to have sex. A well-adjusted, relatively attractive female, in a committed relationship with an equally well adjusted and devastatingly handsome man...not having sex? It's fun watching their brain rattle around for a second before they respond. And if it's a guy, usually the response is "that's so cool. I really respect that." Which most the time is code for "Damn. If you change your mind, I'm your man." In a world where everywhere you turn, stereotypes are being enforced {thanks TLC for making it look like everyone who waits till they get married also eats their wife's face for their first kiss}, virginity is just plain lame. No wonder 16 year olds are auctioning off their first time on eBay for upwards of $27,000. No wonder there are kids 10 years younger than me that think I'm a total loser because they've had sex and I haven't.

I'm supposed to be embarrassed. I'm supposed to feel lame and incomplete, and want desperately to change this about myself. I'm supposed to awkwardly stammer through my explanation that I'm waiting until I get married to have sex, that I'm a 23 year old virgin. I'm supposed to have no concept of sexuality, or for that matter..social interaction in general. I'm supposed to think there's something wrong with me, and adhere to the society wide belief that I haven't had sex because no one has wanted to. But I can promise you that's just completely untrue.

I'm so proud that I've made it 23 years. Close to 18 of them with no concrete relationship with God holding me to purity, only an all-consuming fear of getting pregnant. I'm proud that I made it 4 years in the public school system {even though the rumor mill would have you believe I slept with God knows how many people}. Proud that I made it 4 years in college, 2 of them in a super serious relationship. I'm proud that I'm a normal, functioning member of society with a perfectly functioning sex-drive that has decided that sex is intended for the confines of marriage and has and is waiting until then to partake.

I'm so sick of being made to feel like a fool when the topic of sex comes up in secular situations and I have nothing to contribute. Sick of constant lies that are thrown in the faces of those who are choosing sexual purity over desensitization. And I'm sick of the fact that that's exactly the way society wants it to be. And I'm so tired of feeling like I should be quiet about my choice. Why are we are such a silent minority? "May the voice of the sexually pure rise up against the clamoring voice of the over-sexualized". It's time to reclaim the dignified place in society that we deserve. I will no longer be made to feel a fool because I choose sexual purity. I mean, I'm not saying we should make t-shirts or wear signs around our necks. But I will wear my purity ring as a reminder when it gets a little difficult. And unashamedly answer peoples' questions about why I wear the ring and what it stands for. And when need be, I'm not embarrassed to say "I've never had sex, so I kind of have no idea what you're talking about". There's nothing to be ashamed about here...

"Our society is doing to sex what people who chew with their mouths open do to food."
-Douglas Wilson

Let's chew with our mouths closed, people.


Jaclyn said...

Thank you for this article, it is very encouraging. I am 23 years old too. I have been in a relationship for over 4 years, all during college, I am now engaged (and my fiance is very handsome). And we are waiting till marriage to have sex. No, it isn't easy, yes, people try to make you feel uncool about it, but we believe God intended it for marriage. Thanks again, and stay fearless!

Lindsay said...

I just stumbled upon your blog today. It was truly a wonderful thing to read! I have been married for almost 4 months now and we waited. I know how hard it is and I remember so many conversations with even my closet friends that were hard to take. Be encouraged!

Melanie Lunn said...

Well said sweet girl & I commend you.

Brittni Rawdon said...

Praise be to the one who created our souls as well as our sex drives!! God is forever faithful and way cool if we will just trust Him with every part of us! Let's teach at a conference! Purity ( in the right way..not the virgin diaries way..I about died when I saw the show) needs to LOUDLY and PROUDLY reclaim its spot in our society! and I would love to partner with you to get it done!! I saw this post on Brooke Barnetts fb page!! we should be friends:)

Anonymous said...

I agree with you 100%. My oldest son is going to be 11 and you can believe we talk about this a lot. To his embarassment, but I don't care. I am not going to be a grandmother in my 40s.

Even putting aside religous beliefs, with all the diseases floating around these days...virginity is saving your life!!

Rachel said...

Hi there - I just came across your blog. It's good to read that you are so open and proud of your decision to wait...the world seems to be in such a sorry state regarding sex - the respect has just sort of drifted away hasn't it.

I love (in a not really loving but find it crazy kinda way) how people are so shocked when they found out someone has never head sex...but they don't bat an eyelid hearing someone has slept with 20+ people.



Rene Z said...

The potential for God's glory comes so often in those times when one asks me why I haven't had sex yet at the age of 23. These moments when the world, defined throughout the Bible as the antagonist to the way of Christ, is introduced to a product of the light. This moment comes when it is realized by this representative of said world that there must be something different inside of me. I look like them, I face the same temptations as them, I am walking in the same world as them, but the fruit coming off of my tree is different from their own and from the vast majority of the crowd around them. If the fruit was up to my flesh, then it would look the same as the worlds fruit; thankfully, the Spirit has taken over the control of producing fruit in my life, and this moment is a realization on their part of the different roots that are feeding me. Here in these moments lies possibility. Either the representative of the world responds with the disdain, condescension, and imitation of John 3:20 as is usually expected by me; or the Spirit uses this opportunity to dive into the soul of another and begin/continue bringing that soul unto God. I only hope and pray that there are more areas of my life that call for such surprise and disdain from the world.

Blake you are amazing, you have written some incredible stuff! Mom just recently pointed me to your blog, keep it up girl. Do not grow weary in doing good, Galatians 6:9. A true soldier of God, Love ya