"I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."
-Psalm 121:1
If I answer that beginning question in my inner dialogue, the answer is usually myself. My help comes from myself. I can do everything on my own. I can work out this issue, get through this hard time, fix this problem by myself. For a while one of my favorite quotes was "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead." -Barney {How I Met Your Mother} Anytime I feel myself slipping I decide to pull myself up by my bootstraps and solider on. If I feel like I'm not performing to my full potential, I take a second, readjust, and start being awesome again.
It's frickin exhausting.
So there I am, pissed because I'm not being the person I want to be {or the person I feel like people want me to be}, struggling to stay afloat in the midst of my insecurities, and pretty sure God can't do a dang thing about it. If God could do something about it, I wouldn't be struggling with this, right?!
Wrong.
If I refuse to let Him in, and let Him be a part of this process, I'm going to stay pissed. But it's hard, and scary!! Ok God, I'm trusting you to completely revamp the person I've become into the person you want me to be. And I'm okay with not being in control of who that person is. Because a revamp is what He's doing right now. He's completely ripping away all the things I've found my identity in for who knows how long, and beginning the process of replacing those things with Him. So. Many. Lies. So many lies I've been not only believing, but finding my identity in.
Lie: I'm not really a good person, I just try and act like I am.
Truth: "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." -Galatians 2:20
Truth: "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." -Galatians 1:10
Lie: I'll never beat this. I'll always be this broken and worthless.
Truth: "For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13
Those are just the tip of the iceberg, but the biggest ones God's revealing to me right now. The reality is that I'm having to start over. I'm having to stand here, with all the things I've found my sense of self and worth in for a very long time {material things, peoples' opinions, someone else's love, achievements, pride} sitting in front of me instead of inside of me. Having to look them dead on and be shown THIS IS NOT WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE MINE.
That's it. Bottom line. Everything's about Him and His kingdom.
This is a battle. And not against each other.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12
And this might sound odd, but I'm freaking excited about this. I'm excited to be fighting Satan and the spiritual forces of evil for my righteousness. Fun part, I already know who wins. Jesus, y'all!! JESUS. Mmmm. Bring it.
"We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us."
-Beth Moore
Fearless.
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