Last week I put in my two-weeks notice at my super stable, 40-hours-a-week, 7:30-4:30 desk job.
I already had another job in the bag, my father would've stroked out if I'd quit that irresponsibly. But lately I've enjoyed letting the focus hang on the fact that I quit. At least for a little while. Then I tell people I'd already gotten hired as an assistant manager at a local boutique. The reaction is pretty 80/20. Thankfully, the 80 is the people who have gotten crazy excited. Jump up and down, burst into tears with me, "oh my gosh you're going to be so great at that", fill my heart with joy, excited. The 20 are the people who kind of cock their head to the side and look at me like "huh?" And I can see it in their eyes before they even say a word. Do you even need a degree for that job? You graduated from college to be an assistant manager at a clothing store? Is this really what you want to do? And I know that, on the majority, their concerns are for my well-being. It's never out of spite or a desire to pop my happy bubble. They're just worried. And I get it. I'm a pretty judgmental being, so I'm aware that I'd probably judge me too. Plus, they haven't exactly given me the chance to explain. And even if I did, they probably wouldn't really hear me.
When I put up my facebook status last week, announcing my departure from my current job, I ended it with the statement sometimes you just have to take the leap. Sometimes you just have to take the leap of faith into something people are probably going to think is a little crazy.
For the last 10 months, I've sat behind a desk from 7:30 in the morning to 4:30 in the afternoon. I've processed orders, given people quotes, and been the youngest person in the office by about 10 years. Everyday, I sat at this desk and did my best to qualm the feeling rising up that I was capable of so much more than this. That there was no way I was meant to sit behind a desk for the rest of my life. But every time I prayed about it, every time I walked straight into my house and fell into my bed in tears over the hopelessness I felt, God told me to stay. Every job opportunity that opened up fell through. No one was hiring, and I honestly wasn't even sure what I was looking for. For 10 months, he told me that I was right where he wanted me, to stay put. And sometimes I was super pissed with him for it. I was so stuck I couldn't move. And then a friend came to me with this job.
I wanted it so bad I could feel the cells in my body vibrating from excitement. The potential within this company is unending! I'd get to be around people and pretty things all day! No pay cut? Ok! So I emailed in my resume and cover letter, and waited. Actually, I sent the email, and immediately picked up my phone and headphones, walked outside, stuck in Bethany Dillion's CD, and prayed. I sat outside the back of my office, listened to her voice, and I prayed. I told God how much I wanted this job. I told him about how it just felt like a good fit, that I thought I could thrive in this environment. I explained about the doors it opened and the potential for me to end up doing something I really love. I told him very intentionally that I wanted this job. But I also told him that if this wasn't it, I would wait. I promised him that if this wasn't the job he wanted for me, that I'd be okay with it. That I'd continue working where I was with a smile on my face. Then I just sat. Slowly, my cells stopped vibrating. I was still excited, but I was more peaceful than anything. I still wanted it, but I wanted Him more. Then the music cut off. I looked down to see an unfamiliar number calling. I answered to a request for an interview. I interviewed on a Tuesday, had my second interview the next Monday, and got the call that I'd gotten the job that night. My first day is next Wednesday.
I'm so thankful to be walking into a new season with the reassurance that I handed this over to God first. Handing it all over to Him gave me the ability to jump. If I'd spent all my time worrying about what people would think of a college grad working in retail, or stressing about whether I thought this was the best move, there's a possibility I would've missed the opportunity to leap. It seems silly, but this is all a little scary. It's the unknown, and we humans aren't usually huge fans of the unknown. And I know that I'm not talking about a move to a foreign country or some other huge life event, but this is big in my life. And this is my blog, so..yeah.
I have some really big dreams for my life. Ones that for now, I'm choosing to hold pretty close to my chest. They are precious dreams that are between me and God. I find a lot of beauty in that. I find a lot of closeness with him in that. I'm sure one day he'll push me to share them with you, and when that time comes, then I will. But for the time being, I'll share the small steps towards them.
There's a whole big world out there. I hope you're out there chasing a dream.