Hi y’all, I’m Meagan from A Spoonful of Jenkins. Thanks to Blake for having me guest blog today for a little married point of view during Valentines! You say Valentines is over? I firmly believe in celebrating and celebrating big which means holidays are actually holiweeks. The longer the better, don’t you think? Except I shouldn’t give myself reason to eat super human amounts of chocolate all week. Just all day.
My shiny new husband [that’s Dustin] and I are a little over sixth months into this married world which, as we were warned, brought on ginormous changes. Besides the whole living-with-a-boy and doing-previously-off-limit-
adult-things [like taxes, right?], the changes have brought deep and personal realizations that have been both difficult to face as well as growth-inducing. Our pastor who married us did tell us that marriage helps you realize how naturally selfish you are. Check! He also said kids will help you realize that even more. No check. No check, yet.
I was always extremely excited about the potential wife role. The one where everything would be neat and tidy and dinner would be hot on the stove and we’d have spontaneous picnics and I’d be ready to jump in the car and drive all night on Friday to wherever we might want to explore for the weekend. But then I graduated and started working 8 to 5 with a traffic-packed commute all while D worked and went to class and was elected to a rather time consuming position at our church.
I can tell you that I’ve never been too hard on myself. All of a sudden I had these underlying expectations of what my role as a wife was going to look like and how much time we were going to spend together and how many awesome grocery receipts I would have because of my awesome couponing skills [which still don’t exist]. And I would find myself crushed. Crushed because I missed Dustin when he had to work late and crushed because I forgot to wash his work clothes again. Thankfully I’m married to one of the most gracious and loving and encouraging men on the planet so I was the only one being hard on myself.
I learned two things from this. They may be obvious, but in the likelihood that you are like me, I’ll share them anyway. Dustin cannot be who fulfills my deep and ingrained need for satisfaction. The Lord, though He has given me this man to love and share a life with, is still jealous of my heart and my time and my thoughts. We absolutely make a better team as this new person-of-one, but what I was doing was phasing Dustin in as my ultimate satisfaction and leaving little room for the Lord. And while I think D can meet needs with the best of them, the Lord will always surpass his efforts. And the Lord will last beyond anything D can achieve. No offense to D here. Just in case if anyone doubts that I love my husband - he's awesome, and I'm borderline obsessed with him. Are we clear?
The other big lesson here is realizing that I selfishly wanted to be the picture of the perfect wife. By trying to be that, it wasn't D's needs that I was attempting to meet. It was my own. Though I know he appreciates a hot meal and clean clothes, I prove to be much more affective when he knows I am in his corner, cheering him on, telling him I believe in him, and offering arms of relaxation and familiarity. I certainly can't do that if I'm over in the corner, curled into the fetal position, crying my eyes out over dirty socks [drama added].
The Lord is so good to continue to teach us, to continue to point out our selfishness, to continue to guide us through these ever-so unfamiliar roles which are becoming more familiar and more precious by the day. Now I'm realizing that some days there will be hearty meals and tidy rooms while other days will bring take out and stacks of unrelated papers and magazines and [normally expired] coupons. And I'll try my best to, whichever kind of day tomorrow turns out to be, cling to the Lord's promises, experience His fulfillment, and be able to love Him and love Dustin all the better.