Only Yours

"I need you like a hurricane. Thunder crashing, wind, and rain, to tear these walls down.

I'm only Yours now."

-"Hurricane", Jimmy Needham

Starting over is hard, there's just no way around that. A complete over haul in the way you live your day-to-day life is bound to be fraught with good days and not-so-good days. And it's incredibly easy to slip into a funk, convince yourself you'll be forever lonely, and give up. Trust me, speaking from experience here. But here's the thing...there's a difference between lonely and solitude. Lonely seems to typically be something that is thrust upon a person, a change in social aptitude, a lack in companionship. Yuck.

But solitude. Solitude is good. Solitude is a choice, a place of peace and of growth. Jesus spent time in solitude often, like in the garden before His arrest. 

"He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed,  “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him." -Luke 22:41-42

I feel like when we hit a hard time in life, this is what God desires us to do. To be like His son, and give ourselves time with Him. Time to go "Ok God. I'm not a huge fan of what's going down right now, but you know what, if it's what you want...let's do this thing." And time for Him to give us His strength, instead of trying to rely on our own. I feel like I could write an entire different post on my need to be self-sufficient and "okay" all the freaking time, and maybe I will. But for this post's sake, just know that that is a struggle of mine. It's a struggle for me to let go of the reigns and let God drive. But I need Him. I need Him to rip through all my preconceptions and biases and walls and make me His. Just His. Not this guy's, that friend's, mine, and then His. Just His. 

And this is going to be the time He does that. Big time. I can feel the storm clouds rolling in, and I'm so stoked about the hurricane that's coming. I feel like I'm getting a re-do. 

I Digress: A friend of mine showed me this video last night {watch it here!} called A Poem for All Single People. Yes, I was skeptical. Very. 

And then God took me to my knees with it. The whole thing is about waiting, and not even in a physical sense, which is really all we ever talk about as far as waiting, right? And that's important, of course. But waiting, to me, is more then just staying physically pure and twiddling your thumbs in anticipation of finally finding "the one". It's about desperately desiring the utmost your Father has for you...don't you think? As the speaker talked about what she's waiting for, I felt God tugging at my heart saying "you too, ok? you wait for this too."

When you speak, I will be reminded of Solomon's wisdom.

Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses.

Your faith will remind me of Abraham.

Your confidence in God's word will remind me of Daniel.

Your inspiration will remind me of Paul.

Your heart for God will remind me of David.

Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah.

Your integrity will remind me of Joseph.

And your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples.

But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of

Christ.

And what about me? I mean, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have some serious growing to do before I can walk through life with a man of that stature.

And you will know me and you will find me where 

the boldness of Esther 

meets the warm closeness of Ruth.

Where the hospitality of Lydia 

is aligned with the submission of Mary,

and is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah. 

I will be the one drenched in 

Proverbs 31.

Yes. That. That is what I want. All of that and more. 

I'm only Yours now.

Fearless.