7/17/10

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.

Let me just talk about confidence for a second.
I've come to find that there are many different types of false confidence.
There's the kind where if you're being honest, you're faking it. Outwardly you appear to be very well versed and secure in who you are, but on the inside you think you suck.
There's the kind where you genuinely think you're kind of great, but fail to express that externally & just walk around with "I'm worthless" broadcasted across your face.
And then there's just a complete lack of anything even resembling confidence. No self-worth, zero certainty.

I've been in all three of these fast sinking boats, and let me tell you, they're all miserable to be in. Having no self-confidence is exhausting.
It makes you super needy and annoying.
It makes relationships with anyone difficult to sustain (you're putting everything into it hoping you'll get a boost or something resembling an identity out of it, when in reality you're just sucking yourself dry and pushing away the other person).
It makes you incapable of having any standard of the way you should be treated, and you end up accepting whatever scraps you can get ("We accept the love we think we deserve."-The Perks of Being a Wallflower; also see "Lines in the Sand" update)

There is no true peace and joy possible when you're constantly doubting yourself. The sad part is, I never really knew I was in any of these boats while I was sinking. Somehow I got hard wired to believe that self-depreciation & humility went hand in hand. Huh? Yeah. That's not anywhere in the Bible, in case you were wondering.

I'm twenty-one years old. For the first time in my life, I actually have a concept of self-worth. & as a disclamer, let me just say, I have wonderful parents who have told me every day of my life that I am wonderful and beautiful and the greatest thing to hit the planet.
This is all internal, this is all from believing Satan's lies, this is all from allowing myself to be totally susceptible to these lies by not knowing the truth.

What is the truth?
The truth is that I am beautiful, regardless of if you think so or not, because this is the way God put me together. Thinking any differently and tearing myself to pieces for not looking like freakin' Giselle Bunchen is like spitting in the face of the Creator. {"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." -Psalm 139:13}
The truth is that my personality is great just the way it is, & trying to suffocate and suppress who I am only robs me of being true to myself, and robs those around me of experiencing the person God made me. I might be a little difficult & abrasive at times, but those are not my defining attributes (even though I've spent most of my life thinking so). Through prayer and spending some time with the King who made me this way and thinks I'm stinkin' awesome, I've begun to see the good things: I find it natural to love people to the moon & back, I pride myself on seeing the very best in people and situations, it's easy for me to forgive, and I'm funny, dangit. Finally seeing these God-given attributes as more definitive of who I am then "obnoxious & no one likes me", has made my life so much better already

But the ultimate truth is I am His. {"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God." -John 1:12} And in that, and that alone I find my identity, I find my truth, I find my worth, I find my confidence. Now, instead of walking around with "I'm worthless" broadcasted across my face, I can't help but walk around thinking "Oh DANG. I'm a child of God, yo!" (Yea..just like that.)

I'll be honest, this whole having self-confidence thing is new to me, & I'm still getting my bearings, but I flipping love it! This is the life I was intended. This is the life Christ died for.
{"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10}

This is a life that is
Fearless

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