They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
This verse is my life right now. I am, hands down, the happiest I've been in my entire life. And it's not because of circumstances or people or myself. It is because I am walking more closely with the Lord then I could have ever imagined possible. And it's funny, because the moments when I begin to rely on myself, or think that I'm doing a "great job" are the moments I falter. Those are the moments I feel like Peter in Matthew 14, when he looks around him and sees the wind and the water and freaks out and starts to sink. But God's always right there with His hand out, pulling me back up, renewing my strength and helping me soar. I'm happiest because I recognize that my strength is not self-generated, but that it comes straight from the Savior of the world. It is because I have let go of my death grip on life and have started living and trusting in His plan.
I never thought of a relationship with God to be something attainable. I honestly kind of thought that all the people who said they were "close" with Him were lying, that there's no way you can feel close with someone you can't touch or see. I was stuck in a rut of reading my Bible and getting little to nothing out of it, singing during worship and feeling emptiness, doing all these things because I felt like I had to. I was holding onto these things that brought temporary oblivion and fake joy, but that faded in the morning.
And now I stand here wondering why it took me so long? I find myself at times frustrated with my stubbornness and fierce independence, and how big of a fight I put up against letting Him get me here, to the greatest thing available on earth. An abundant life, a life walking side-by-side with the Creator of the Universe. But I can't help but look back on these past few years tenderly. Knowing that in my emptiest, loneliest moments, I was never truly abandoned. & that this has been His plan all along.
This life I'm living is the seriously sweetest thing. My hope is this doesn't sound like a toot-my-own-horn fest, but that it is a clear picture of the joy unending that comes from knowing Him.
I guess just want you to know how unbelievable is is being