My brain never stops. It's always whizzing a million miles a minute, flying from one topic to the next to the next. I attribute a lot of my stressed out-ness and instability to this. I can be sitting, blankly staring at the TV or computer screen or book I'm pretending to read, but inside my mind's going "have I done everything I needed to do today?", or more likely "I wonder what the people around me are thinking right now?", and various other levels of unrest and worry. So, as of late, I've been taking steps to be still. To, if I am watching a movie, watch the movie. If I am reading a book, read the book.
You know what's especially difficult when your brain doesn't stop talking? Hearing.
How could I ever expect to hear the quiet yet powerful voice of God if I was always too busy focusing on my own crap?
My own crap. There's so much of it, I often live in a state of overwhelmed. If you can even call that living...
At the Ring last night I finally was able to take a second and shut my brain off. As Josh called us to just let Sarah sing the song over us, I could feel myself calming down and starting to listen. As the second song began, before we even got the chorus, I could hear God proclaiming "I AM VICTORIOUS. THERE IS NO ONE AND NO THING BIGGER THEN ME. I HAVE ALREADY WON."
Uh what? Cue the water works. He's bigger then my crap. He's bigger then my brain. He's bigger then all my worries and doubts and questions. He's not sitting up in heaven, looking down saying "Woah man. That Blake chick? What a mess. I can't do anything with that..."
I've believed for too long that I'm unfixable, ungrowable, unchangeable.
Translation: My problems are too big for God to tackle. The crap I've gone through is bigger then God, and there's no way He can ever defeat these things in my brain.
With God, every day is a new day. A day of renewal, renovation, and grace. Now if I can just get my brain to jump on board with that idea, we'll be peachy.