As much as I'm loving this blogging experience, there's just some stuff that doesn't need to be typed. Or can't. Either way, I'm thankful God's given me the discernment to know what's okay to write and what doesn't need to be. But I'm even more thankful that He's granting me the direction and clarity to see the growth and positive outcomes from these not so positive situations.
All my life, I've never been able to learn lessons the easy way. I'm always the child that God has to rock to her core and wipe down to her foundation for me to finally go "Oooh. Okay. So that's what you meant?". Most the time, it sucks, but I'm so glad that He knows me better then I know myself, and knows that's what I need.
When I was in high school, my friends used to say that my theme song was "Hard to Handle" by the Black Crowes. It was cute and all, but they were totally unaware that in reality, it stung. Being "hard to handle" isn't something I exactly pride myself on. Like Megan Kelly says, "If boisterous was a fruit of the spirit, I'd be set." The real me, the Blake that God created and thought was good, is loud and silly and rambunctious. She laughs too loud, fights too hard, is passionate beyond measure, and He loves that. I don't love it so much, and I've let the world beat a lot of that out of me.
Let's just be honest here, I'm a fighter. It's the way I was created. If I believe in something, I'm going to fight for it. Being this way leaves room for a lot of let down and heart-break by the people in your life who aren't fighters. The people who find it easy to throw their hands up when things get difficult, and just peace out. I have a lot of trouble understanding this, it's just not the way I'm wired.
I'm just easy to walk away from = the lie I probably buy into the most
I don't think I'll ever understand washing your hands of a friend because things got a little difficult. I don't think I'll ever understand just walking away.
For a long time I've believed the lie that, other then my parents and the best friend I've had for 19 years, I've never had anyone fight for me. I've never been worth it to someone to fight it out, to stick around through the crap, to be able to look at me and think maybe she is a little hard to handle, but my goodness she's worth it.
I was so wrong, because then I found:
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." -Exodus 14:14
I can't read that verse without getting goosebumps all over my body and tears in my eyes. He's never going to think I'm too much. He's never going to get frustrated, burnt out, and walk away. He loves who I am, every part of me. He's in it for the long haul. Forever and ever and ever.
I don't think it's realistic to say now that I know that, I don't care if anyone ever walks away from me again! I've got Jesus and that makes me impervious to pain. Not true. That pain is real. Jesus knows that, He felt it more hard core then any of us could ever experience. He understands. But having Him next to you when those times come, when people are human and tap out because they just can't handle it anymore, makes it so much less tormenting.
He will fight for me.
He wants me to be