we weren't created to stop

{picture via}

Ok. I'm going to be honest. This is a touchy one. This is one that will most likely step on a couple of people's toes {fingers crossed that it doesnt!}. But I just want to get it out there. So I'll start blantently.

When did the Christian community universally decide that "just making out" was okay in dating relationships?

You know what I'm talking about. It's this unspoken rule that if you "don't go any further than making out", you're good. You're a good Christian couple. And I'm not saying you're not. You actually probably are. The decision to restrict your boundaires is a hard one, and to restrict it at making out is a big deal! That's awesome. But I'm starting to learn that I don't think that's really what God intended. Before you get all up in arms & defensive, just hear me out, okay?

I've been there. I've been in the relationship that starts out "just making out" and actively pursuing purity. And then begins to rationalize that pushing the boundaries is okay because you know you're going to marry each other. And then you break up. And I've experienced the absoultely ridiculous amount of baggage that leaves you and someone down the road to deal with. You typically can't see it when you're in it, but the whole time you're going "too far" in your relationship, you're picking up emotional scars that leave you wondering why he couldn't ever respect you, or why you feel so used all the time. And you end up believing that that's the norm. That "restricted" physicality within Christian relationships is okay.

But here's the deal. God created sex, right? And it's a super awesome, good thing meant for man and wife. All those really, really fun things that lead up to it {including making out}, are meant for marriage too. Here's why. We weren't created to stop. We weren't created to makeout on the couch or fool around for an hour and walk away anything but frustrated. Be honest-when was the last time you got hot & heavy with ya boo & didn't struggle? Tell me of a time that you didn't have to stomp the breaks like your life depended on it and walk away. We were created to awake passion and then see it all the way through with our husband or wife & glorify God through that.That's why Solomon wrote "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love {or passion} until it is time" {SOS 8:4} And that's what all that stuff does. It stirs up and awakens passion that, in all honesty, is only meant for a husband and wife to share.

So yeah, I'm pretty much saying I don't think making out with your boyfriend is the best choice if you're striving for purity in your relationship. Is it possible to pull of? Yeah. Probably. Are you setting yourself up for a rough ride? Yep. And let me just tell you, when I was younger, I read all of those Christian dating books that preach the same exact thing. I hated the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I thought it was the most pretentious, foolish, detached from realtiy thing I'd ever read. I think that paints the picture of where I've stood on relationships thus far. Keep it between PG & PG-13, & stay a virgin.

 And then there was J. The first man I've ever dated that made it beyond crystal clear that sexual things were not going to be a part of our relationship. We'd both struggled in that area before, and he wanted to do this right. We drew the line at making out. After a couple of months, I realized that I had made that a part of my relationship that I thought was necessary, I had decided that making out is to a dating relationship what sex is to a marriage. Well that's just completely warped, right? How did I turn it into that? I found myself wondering how many other people unknowningly believe the same lie? That we're supposed to make out with our boyfriends or girlfriends. It's what every normal Christian couple does.

God really made me look at that. Was I actively making out with my boyfriend because I felt like it was what society {& even Christian society} told me was okay and normal, even though it only made us both struggle? As I talked with my best friend about deciding to cut that part of our relationship out and why I was indecisive, she looked at me and said "you don't have to be homeschooled to not make out with your boyfriend" {and no offense homeschoolers, cause I was one}. But her point was made. It wouldn't make us lame to not make out, & it wouldn't make us Amish either. There would still always be affection between the two of us, just not passion. Yet.

So we shut it down. And you know what? We have even more fun together now then we did before {& we had a lot of fun together before}. But now, knowing that that temptation isn't even an option, that that slippery slope isn't awaiting us at the next moment we're alone, that we don't have to stress ourselves out about protecting each other's purity because we're not even going near it-it's so good, y'all.

I really spent time praying that this post doesn't come across reading look how awesome J and I are! we've got it all figured out! i'm so much better than you! because dear Lord, we do not. And I am not. But as I prayed through this decision and became more and more aware of this lie we're all buying into, I realized I would be remiss to not speak what I feel like God's shown me.

So yeah. There is it. Here's to trying to keep it in our pants, right?! Woo hoo.



Anonymous said...

Girl, I have been reading your blog for awhile now, and I have to commend you for sharing this.

My ex-husband and I met in youth group and started on our own slippery slope. It is one that eventually lead to divorce, but I honestly believe it is because we sidelined God and blew off our morals like you wouldn't believe.

Never be afraid to speak your beliefs!!

Kristen Soileau said...

Love it so much Blake! Ashley and I talked about relationships tonight and she mentioned this post so I had to come check it out. Speak the truth sister and speak it loud.

Amanda Trought said...

Great to read, thanks for sharing, I didn't know that christian couples had this problem, I found God when my son was about 3. You have a lovely writing style looking forward to reading more of your posts. Stay blessed, Amanda