2/5/10

Give me a head with hair; long, beautiful hair.

(I was a musical theater nerd in high school, and just noticed that two of my blog posts are titled lyrics from Broadway shows. Love it.)

I've always believed in the power of change. More specifically, hair change. After a difficult break up my sophomore year of college, I died my hair really, really dark. To me, it was a sign that I was done being the Blake that got walked all over and ignored and was now going to take over my life again. I haven't let anyone treat me that way since, but a lot of my issues stayed very much the same after that break up. Putting far too much worth in other peoples' opinions and desperately needing the love and approval of those I had decided I needed it from (which was usually pretty much everyone.)
A couple days ago I had just taken a shower and was standing in front of the mirror brushing out my hair. I was grumbling about how long it takes me to brush it out and dreading the forty-five minutes I knew it was going to take me to blow it dry. And something clicked. This is not you. I know it seems miniscule, but it was huge to me.
This is not you. You are not that girl that spends all this time on her hair and appearance to attain the acclaim of others. That second I called and made an appointment with my hair stylist.

I cut off 7 inches of my hair yesterday. As soon as I got out of the chair I couldn't stop smiling. It's sassy and cute and me. And I loved it.
Then I woke up this morning. While getting ready for class I started to panic a little. What if people don't think I'm beautiful anymore?? What if they think I look like a little kid and I don't get looked at as much? I immediately got grossed out with myself and made my brain stop. Do you HEAR yourself?!? It doesn't MATTER. This is exactly why I cut my hair, and I'm so glad I did. To break free of the mold I had concreted myself in of this va-va-voom, I'm perfect, pay attention to me girl, and get back to me.

But I was thinking the other day..what am I?
I know that I am sincere. I am protective. I am loving, and loved. I am a crier (which takes a lot for me to admit, but I'm starting to actually kind of love this about myself.) I am a good girlfriend, a good friend, and a good daughter. I am a dancer, and a runner. I am a sports fan. I am out-spoken and opinionated. I am an observer and a listener. I am a talker. I am funny. I am a laugh-till-you-cry-er. I am easily amused. But most importantly, I am redeemed and His.

And Fearless.

1 comment:

amiller said...

ooh, such a good one! I LOVEEEEE the hair. So you. So the REAL you.