a married girl's perspective

Last guest blogger today, y'all! I had one more lined up, a boy blogger! But he's in Malaysia with a broken computer, so I guess I'll let him off the hook for now. I'll share his post whenever he can get it to me. I hope y'all have enjoyed the different perspectives of love and Valentine's Day this week. You got a single girl's, a dating girl's, and now a married girl's. We'll be back to real life next week. Here you go!

Hi y’all, I’m Meagan from A Spoonful of Jenkins. Thanks to Blake for having me guest blog today for a little married point of view during Valentines! You say Valentines is over? I firmly believe in celebrating and celebrating big which means holidays are actually holiweeks. The longer the better, don’t you think? Except I shouldn’t give myself reason to eat super human amounts of chocolate all week. Just all day. 

My shiny new husband [that’s Dustin] and I are a little over sixth months into this married world which, as we were warned, brought on ginormous changes. Besides the whole living-with-a-boy and doing-previously-off-limit-adult-things [like taxes, right?], the changes have brought deep and personal realizations that have been both difficult to face as well as growth-inducing. Our pastor who married us did tell us that marriage helps you realize how naturally selfish you are. Check! He also said kids will help you realize that even more. No check. No check, yet. 

I was always extremely excited about the potential wife role. The one where everything would be neat and tidy and dinner would be hot on the stove and we’d have spontaneous picnics and I’d be ready to jump in the car and drive all night on Friday to wherever we might want to explore for the weekend.  But then I graduated and started working 8 to 5 with a traffic-packed commute all while D worked and went to class and was elected to a rather time consuming position at our church. 

I can tell you that I’ve never been too hard on myself. All of a sudden I had these underlying expectations of what my role as a wife was going to look like and how much time we were going to spend together and how many awesome grocery receipts I would have because of my awesome couponing skills [which still don’t exist]. And I would find myself crushed. Crushed because I missed Dustin when he had to work late and crushed because I forgot to wash his work clothes again. Thankfully I’m married to one of the most gracious and loving and encouraging men on the planet so I was the only one being hard on myself. 

I learned two things from this. They may be obvious, but in the likelihood that you are like me, I’ll share them anyway.  Dustin cannot be who fulfills my deep and ingrained need for satisfaction. The Lord, though He has given me this man to love and share a life with, is still jealous of my heart and my time and my thoughts. We absolutely make a better team as this new person-of-one, but what I was doing was phasing Dustin in as my ultimate satisfaction and leaving little room for the Lord. And while I think D can meet needs with the best of them, the Lord will always surpass his efforts. And the Lord will last beyond anything D can achieve. No offense to D here. Just in case if anyone doubts that I love my husband - he's awesome, and I'm borderline obsessed with him. Are we clear? 

The other big lesson here is realizing that I selfishly wanted to be the picture of the perfect wife. By trying to be that, it wasn't D's needs that I was attempting to meet. It was my own. Though I know he appreciates a hot meal and clean clothes, I prove to be much more affective when he knows I am in his corner, cheering him on, telling him I believe in him, and offering arms of relaxation and familiarity. I certainly can't do that if I'm over in the corner, curled into the fetal position, crying my eyes out over dirty socks [drama added]. 

The Lord is so good to continue to teach us, to continue to point out our selfishness, to continue to guide us through these ever-so unfamiliar roles which are becoming more familiar and more precious by the day. Now I'm realizing that some days there will be hearty meals and tidy rooms while other days will bring take out and stacks of unrelated papers and magazines and [normally expired] coupons. And I'll try my best to, whichever kind of day tomorrow turns out to be, cling to the Lord's promises, experience His fulfillment, and be able to love Him and love Dustin all the better. 

all the single ladies

Hey y’all I’m Carmen from This Lovely Life, where I blog about my love for Christ, my daily inspiration, and my weird 22-year-old perspective on life. I’m a little awkward and annoyingly optimistic, which makes for a very interesting combo. I’d like to think that you either love me or you really love me, no hate involved over here.  I’m flattered Blake asked me to guest post and excited I get to share my single girls take on Valentines Day with y’all. Enjoy!

So February is here, which means Valentines Day is near. You know Valentines Day, the one where all the couples get to have romantic, candlelit dinners, and the single girls brood darkly in corners, eat lots of chocolate from their Mom’s, and cry about how lonely they are. That’s sort of what we’re expected to do, right? Um, no thanks.  I think it’s time for us to stop feeling pressured to be ashamed, and to make the choice to celebrate in the blessing that this time of singleness will be for us.

You hear so many married or dating women looking back on the season of their lives, when they were single with fondness and great enthusiasm, or you read books about being single and women who’ve been married for 10 years are writing them. There’s nothing wrong with this, but I always think, Were you that excited about being single back then?  Okay I’m getting a little off track but when did being single become something to be ashamed of? I’m excited that God is using me for something special right now.  I’m glad that he has written a life story for me that includes me not having to get my heart broken but saving the words “I love you” for a truly special and God-chosen man. God has something wonderful planned for each of us. He knows the desires of our hearts and is a good and wonderful God. As long as us women, single, dating, or married, keep complaining about the place we’re at, we are probably not going to get the thing we most desire. Just like the Israelites.  The more they whined the longer God kept them in the desert.

There are lies that I used to believe about being single. Lies that Satan wanted to grow and lies he uses the world to reinforce as “truths”. He would rather me believe that deep down inside, there is something wrong with me, and that’s the reason why I’m still single. He wants us to believe that God is punishing us for not being ready, and that we have to “fix ourselves” then God will bring us our husbands. He wants us to question our uniqueness and our lovability. These ideas can so easily become the tapes we replay over and over in our heads. We so easily believe these lies so that finding a relationship to show that we aren’t some weird, anti-social miss-fits becomes a necessity. We forget that we already have a love, someone who laid down His life for us, and will truly love us “for better or worse”. Satan knows that right now, as single women, we are called to be the bride of Christ, his one and only. That we can have a season in our life where God pursues us with love and passion and delights in us. It is a unique time where we can truly, 100% be his bride. He does not want this to happen. He wants us to yearn for the love we don’t have, instead of appreciate and be absorbed by the eternal, glorious, perfect love of Christ.

I urge you not to rush God in what he has planned for you, and if you haven’t, to start trusting in his timing.  Look to him to have your needs met, not to another person. I pray that you take this valuable time and allow God to use you, so that when the time does come to say those vows you can keep them.  Our true joy should not come from men, but from glorifying the Lord and serving others. I’m not denying that it is hard to live in a world that promotes the exact same values as the ones we’re supposed to uphold. But I just want to encourage you not to give in, you will be thoroughly blessed because of your wait. I pray that God gives you a vision and purpose for whatever season you’re growing through. That you will be able to walk with confidence and a peace that only He can provide. Stop listening to the voice of fear in your heart, and start being confident in our protector, remember that we are provided for, and that God has got it covered.

So go ahead, celebrate Valentines Day!!! Put on your party dress, something pink and sparkly, grab a friend and celebrate that you have a God who’s every move is rooted and established in love!!

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; 
   there is no flaw in you.

-Song of Solomon 4:7

#followfriday

Happy Friday, guys! I feel like this week flew by! I know that I got my customary 2 "serious" posts in this week, but it certainly didn't feel like enough. I have so much to share with you guys that I have about 6 different posts in the works simultaneously. I'm hoping to get some time this weekend to sit down and really get my thoughts straight and figure out what the Lord's trying to say through me. Exciting times, both in my real life and in blog life right now! Thanks for staying around as I get my scatterbrained-ness together. I promise not to leave you hanging anymore :) 

But in the mean time, I wanted to share some blogs that I think you guys should read. If you don't have Google Reader, sign up for it now. It's the only way I keep the upwards of 150 blogs I read in order. So in honor of the Twitter tradition of #followfriday, I present the blogs Fearless recommends!

These are the women who inspire me, who talk about real things and issues and aren't afraid of the backlash. They're the blogs that Fearless strives to be like.

• Everyday Awe
• Rachel Held Evans
• Good Women Project
• Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary
• God's Odds

I don't pretend to be a style blogger (tried it once. failed epically.), but I do get a lot of my inspiration from these lovely ladies. 

• Gal Meets Glam
• The Daybook
• Frills 4 Thrills
• The Closet Diaries

Okay. There it is. This is barely even a taste of the blogs that I follow, so if you're interested in all of those, you can go here. Last but not least, I wanted to give you a chance to follow me! 

Twitter & Pinterest

And as you know, there's your friendly little blue button up there on the left if you want to subscribe to Fearless. Next week is going to be exciting. I have some awesome-sauce guest bloggers lined up for Valentine's Day week. 

Happy Friday!
[ps. can you tell how obsessed I am with this color palette at the moment?]

Today I'm embracing the fact that I don't feel the push to write. I expect this will happen here and there. Hope that's okay with everyone. 

You should head over to Everyday Awe & read the blog post that kicked me in the face. Allow it to kick you in yours.
"Learning to Let Go of My Emotional Suitcase"

I love you guys. For realsies.