A year ago today, I sat in a truck in a driveway and listened to the boy I loved tell me it was over. I already knew it had been over for a long time, but hearing it out loud is just a whole different ballgame.
A year ago today, I got in my car and cried my way from Baton Rouge to Covington, where I sat on my parents' front porch and answered phone call after phone call of friends, calling to check on me. Each one with the same amount of relief and thankfulness in their voice, but each with the grace not to say it out loud just yet.
A year ago today, I decided I wanted to be single for a very, very long time. I knew that I was already overwhelmingly healed, because God had been preparing my heart for a while already, but I just didn't even want to get tangled up in someone's mess again. I wanted time to just be me. I was wrong. Little did I know, someone who makes me more me than I've ever been was waiting right around the corner.
A year ago today, God opened more doors in my life than he ever had before. Suddenly, my life had so much potential it made my head swim. And even though one huge door had just slammed in my face, I didn't even have time to look at it. All these doors in my life swung open, just begging me to walk through one of them. In a split second, I regained so much of myself I kind of didn't know what to do. I regained the ability to be the woman I knew I wanted to be, and who God wanted me to be. I wasn't stuck anymore. And in that moment that should have been completely consumed by fear and pain, all I felt was hope. Hope for my future. And hope for others'.
It didn't take me long to realize that I was meant to walk through this for a reason. God pretty quickly showed me that all the pain and fights and confusion were for a purpose. That down the road, I'd be holding hands with some girl who was talking about her relationship and all the things that she feels, and I'd be able to say "I totally understand how you feel", and not be fibbing.
God really does have the power to change any situation. Any person. He really does have the power to take crap situations that you don't understand, that you wish would change, and turn them around for his glory. He does it every day. And that's my point in sharing this. That if you're in a situation that feels hopeless, it's not. That if the words "never" and "always" are a big part of your vocabulary right now, they won't be for long. Every time passes. God's hand is everywhere. And I know all of this sounds really "Christian talk" and cliche, but it's popular because of the truth it holds.
A year ago today I thought my life as I knew it was ending. Little did I know it had just begun.