{YouTube Friday}

And my office has recently taken to playing smooth jazz all day. Can I be a total dork and say I kind of love it?

{It's better than hearing Katy Perry's "Firework" 100 times through the day.}

So in honor, I bring one of the gems I jammed to earlier today.

Ya welcome.

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Also. How freaking fierce is Beyonce?! I mean, we've always known this, but watching her KILL IT on the View {on youtube. yeah right like I watch the View.}, just helped remind me of her amazingness. I feel so empowered when I watch her.

Happy weekend!

Leaves & Roots

Ok. This first sentence is going to make me sound like a total Debbie Downer, but just try to bear with me.

The biggest thing I'm learning right now is this: A lot of the time, friends are seasonal.

Ick, right? No one likes to think that way. I don't know many people who start out a new friendship thinking "in a year or so, we might not even talk anymore", because that's depressing. But the thing I'm starting to grasp is, it's true. I'm beginnig to wrap my head around the fact that sometimes, we're just blessed to walk through a period of our lives closely with someone, and then they're supposed to keep walking. I think being able to see relationships that way makes life a little bit easier, because when it becomes clear that that person needs to keep going-sometimes it's hard to let go. Sometimes all you want to do is chase after them and try to tag along. And that's just not what's supposed to happen.

I don't think this even has to be a super negative thing. Your decision to walk different paths doesn't have to be the result of a fall out or a fight, sometimes it's just the way God intended it. For that someone to walk through this season with you, and that's all. For that time you're supposed to learn from them, let them learn from you, and hold each other up. And then it's supposed to end. Sadly, sometimes things end ugly, and those tend to take longer to heal from, because yes you walked together and learned togther and held each other up, but you also hurt each other in the end. But again, it's supposed to end. And it can be so hard to let go. I'm someone who loves completely and deeply and faithfully, which unfortunately can set you up for heartbreak. And don't hear me saying that you shouldn't invest and love-because that is one of the greatest joys in life. I guess what I'm getting back to is that there's only one person that's never ever going to let you down. Never ever going to walk a different path. You know who that is, right?

 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5

We are so blessed with human companionship, I think it can be one of the best ways to bring glory to the Father and to better know Him. Some of the friendships and relationships I've had have actually helped me better understand the way the Father loves me, and visa versa. And some people I've walked through life with have walked out and left behind more baggage than the Duggars take on vacation. But you stil learn. You still love. And you never let that hurt stop you from loving just as deeply as you did before.

I love me some Madea, and she hits the nail on the head with her analogy of people to trees.
"Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they're over there... wind blow that way they over here... they're unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they're gone. That's alright....But if you find 2 or 3 people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren't going nowhere. They aren't worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don't have to know what they're doing for you but if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live."

{Youtube won't let me embed the video, so here is the link. Nail on the head.}

I love you guys. And I want to make sure no one the reads this reads it and thinks "uh...is she talking about me?", cause I'm not. Just learning and walking.

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& just because I'm a sucker for a good musical, and this fits

the kids who made me want to have kids.

I'd like to introduce you to my three favorites.

I started babysitting for Luke, Brennan, and Hudson when I was a sophomore in college, being lucky enough to get linked up with their family through a mutual friend. What started out as a summer nannying job would end up being the beginning of a super fun and, for me, growing experience.

I've always wanted to have kids, but there has also been this nagging in the back of my brain that I had no idea what I was talking about. That I had the fairytale version of being a mom, but that once the reality set in, I'd be terrible at it. That's where these three hooligans come in :)

Strong willed, passionate, hilarious, and all boy-through and through. All three of them are alike and different in so many ways. They all got their daddy's athletic ability and their mama's temperament. They say no and don't listen sometimes, and it's enough to make you crazy. But the good that they unknowingly poured into my life for the last 4 years supersedes any amount of frustration over how long it took to take a bath. Yes, I learned patience and how to love someone even when they're being unlovable, but they also helped remind me how to have fun 24/7, even if it's raining; how to make the best living room forts; and "Jesus is the King...not Elvis" {according to Luke}.

Even though they're all boy and in 5 years will want to kill me for saying this, they are-hands down-the best cuddlers/affections show-ers around. And usually without knowing it, they have the wit to turn a not-so-great morning into gold with their stories that start the second I walk in the door.

I've watched them go from shaggy to short, from 1, 4, & 5 to 4, 7, & 8 {stop growing up PLEASE!}. This is the first summer in 4 years that I'm not spending in the pool, in the yard, and on the couch with them, and I miss it every day. I'm so thankful to have gotten the chance to spend the years I did with them, and to learn from them that maybe I'll actually be a pretty okay mom one day.

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& just for funsies, this is my favorite picture I've ever taken of Lukey Bear. So. Much. Joy.

Junk in the Trunk

I am a carbon copy of my mother in almost every single way. Opinionated, passionate, a love for dance, a struggle with anxiety, and curvy.

Curvy. When did that word get the direct connection to fat that it has now? I don't think I'm fat, but growing up in the world of size 0 ballet dancers, I've just never been someone who was very comfortable in my own skin. Always covering and concealing what I could, hating and trying to fix what wasn't hidable. My closet began to consist of mostly black, boyfriend jeans, & very flowy tops. Don't even get me started on the struggle to find pants and shorts that fit a butt like this on a girl that's 5'1". You could say I've got a little junk in my trunk. Every where you looked the girls were a size 0 (or smaller), tight little stomachs, lean, long legs. Everything I will never be.

It's just not possible. No where in my genetic make up is there a code for "tiny". Trust me, I've tried to find it. But I mean, look at Hollywood. My childhood was spent "looking up" to the likes of Britney Spears (5'4", 110 pounds), Angelina Jolie (5'8", 120 pounds), and Jennifer Aniston (5"6", 110 pounds). The celebrities of our time were tall waifs, and I wanted that so bad.

Hollywood over the last couple of years seems to have become a tiny bit more accepting of the women who have a little junk in the trunk. Christina Hendricks burst onto the scene in Mad Men, Kim Kardashian shot up in fame {no one's really sure why yet...}, Jessica Simpson took a bunch of flack for a pair of jeans, but shrugged off the criticism with what is now one of my favorite quotes:

"Please remember, no matter what you go through in life, somebody else might have it harder. So just appreciate. I feel like in our world today we focus on so many things that are completely pointless." 
{She's not always the brightest, but right on, girl!}

Boobs and a butt became attractive again.

Here's the conundrum. Think about those three women .What do you think? Sexy. Provocative. Hott. These girls have the goods, and they're going to let everyone know they've got 'em. Part of me really wants to digress on their behaf and talk about the woes of struggling to be modest with that body type, but there's just really no excuse. I'm pretty sure every single one of these women have been quoted as saying

"If you've got it, flaunt it." {I checked. They have.}

Okay. So these are the two choices presented to girls of my figure by the world:

• Hate my body because it will never fit into size 0 jeans.

       OR

• "Own" what I've got and let the whole world see it.

Neither are attractive options for me. I'm sick of wanting what I won't ever have and hating what I've been given. Those days are over. To me, the idea is to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. Whether you're size 0 or size 16 isn't what's important, it's where you heart is about it. It's about not spending all your time wishing you looked a different way, or all your energy trying to. It's about being able to dance around in your underwear in your room and feel like the sexiest girl in the world.

Okay. Clearly the world's not going to be much help on this subject (I mean, when is it ever, about anything?). Let's be smart and turn to the only thing that can help a girl make it in this messed-up world. The Truth. I did some digging, and the Bible says way more about body image and modesty then you'd initally think.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
-Proverbs 31:30

{Most. Quoted. Verse. Ever. Ok maybe not, but I feel like it loses some of it's power. That is

powerful.}

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

 -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

{Take care of the body the Lord has lent you, because the reality is, it's not your's.}

Boom. Truth. And that's not even scratching the surface of what's out there. I also really love this quote by J.K Rowling, because it's true, aaaand because it points back to Harry Potter
"I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny - a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be stupid girls." – J.K. Rowling

I'm built the way I am on purpose. And to be honest, for the first time in 22 years, I love it.

Love it.

PS This is craziness.

{Home}



In 10 days I move into the sweetest, most wonderful little townhouse you've ever seen. And some days, it's all I can think about. We haven't moved a single piece of furniture in, but it already feels like home. As I spend my day dreaming about getting my keys today and starting the moving process, I thought I'd share my blue prints for making my room the sanctuary I hope it will be.

I know. This color palette's every where. But I just really love it. I think it's the perfect mix of sassy and adult.



I found this tutorial while searching for a DIY headboard, and it's perfect.



I have a tall dresser back home {not this exact one, but really close} that's going to make the trip to the city when I move in. I think I'm going to check some thrift stores and probably Anthropologie and find some assorted knobs to dress it up.



The faithful lamp I've had since I came to college finally bit the dust, so it's time for a new one :) I'm really in love with these glass ones {expensive!!}, but I also love the sleekness of the wood.

I'm in need of an oversized cork board to just stick things on so I don't lose them. Right now I'm planning on buying a plain one and spray painting it with a yellow/gray damask pattern.

Have I mentioned that my room {& entire house for that matter} is tiny? It is. And I love it for that. But it's going to make storage interesting, so I'm going to raise my bed and find some cute storage bins to keep clothes and odd-ends under there.

Got me right where He wants me.

When will I learn that my life doesn't suprise God? So often I find myself standing back when I feel like everything's falling apart, looking up at God going "um...do you see this? you see what's going on down here? as surprised as i am?" I completely humanize God on a daily basis. Just because I am made in His image doesn't mean that He is made in mine. Thank God.

I am resilient, strong, and, unfortunately, prideful. In my foolishness, I think that my plans are better than God's, my decision making abilities are better than God's, and I'm stronger and wiser than He is-to the point that I can radically alter the plan He has for my life. When things start to go a way I didn't forsee, my immediate reaction is ugh, I messed this up. great. Rather than the much more humble and grateful reaction of clearly my God's plan is better.

Want to know what my "life plan" was when I came to college? I don't know if I've ever told anyone this.

I wanted to be homeless.

I wanted to get through college {because my parents wanted me to have a degree}, and then I wanted to get rid of all my stuff, grow dreadlocks, and travel the country-living in tent cities and under bridges, and by living life with them, show the less fortunate of America what Jesus looks like. Then I wanted to move to Africa with my college boyfriend and build wells and love on abandoned African babies. And when college boyfriend's life plan changed, so did mine. I wanted to be a coach's wife, be a support system, and minister to the other wives, players, and players girlfriends. I wanted to marry this boy I'd been dating for 2+ years and be his...and I never actually ran any of this by God.

I don't remember ever dreaming of working an inside-sales-40-hours-a-week-desk job. Or starting over after 2 years. Or making Baton Rouge home. But, thank you Jesus, I've never been more sure this is right where I'm supposed to be. Right here, waking up at 6:30 every morning to sell pipe fitting and gauges to men on construction sites. Right here, getting to know and be known by the best man I've ever met. Right here, learning to love this city and finding I don't ever want to leave it.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

than our plans. than our pride. than our disbelief. than our fear.

Life threw me for a little bit of a loophole, but aren't those the sweetest times? I know I've never had a hunger for the word like I do right now. A hunger to learn and better know this God that constantly blows my mind.

Need a game changer? Go read Romans 8. I've been coming back to it for like a week now, and everytime it's better.

For if our God is for us, who can be against us?

{Speaking of life changes, check out this blog by a girl the same age as me who has adopted 13 Ugandan girls. Have tissues handy: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/}

Girl Crush

I unashamedly have the hugest girl crush on

Emma Stone.

I mean, have you seen Easy A? She's flipping hysterical.



In her recent interview with Vanity Fair, when asked about her bad habits, she answered with

"Heroin, the sugar, and the wine-nothing too crazy."

Oh gah. She's got my weird sarcastic sense of humor too.

Luh her.

{It's Friday!}

Happy dance!
It's Friday!!!

And we're super slow. So I currently have Matt Chandler spittin' truth in my ears while I work on a mindless work project and try to keep the mhmmms and amens to a minimum. I've been listening him to a lot lately. He's just one of my favorites. I appreciate that he uses the word jackass and makes his congregation laugh regularly. And that everything I've ever heard him speak I've thought to be true, and hit right at your soul.

So, in honor of Friday and my Matt Chandler kick, here's a couple of my favorite things Matt Chandler's ever said.

Message to Single Men

 

Tap into Your Savior

{Best breakdown of Proverbs 31 I've ever heard}

 

Prayers for a Hypothetical Daughter

I can't wait to be a mom.

There. I said it. And I know there's a million moms out there just dying to say yes you can wait!!, and I can. And will. A long time. But it's a dream of mine.

And yes, I am well aware of the every-two-hour feedings and the screaming and the dirty, nasty diapers and the terrible twos and everything that comes after that.

But I just can't wait to be a mom.

I haven't gotten to read Tina Fey's new book Bossypants, but it's on the list. I love her so much. I came across this prayer she wrote for her daughter, and I wanted to share it. Hilarity, and so much truth.

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half.

And stick with beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from acting but not all the way to finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the drums to the fiery rhythm of her own heart with the sinewy strength of her own arms, so she need not lie with drummers.

Grant her a rough patch from twelve to seventeen.

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – and adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers. And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a bitch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.

“My mother did this for me.”

And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a mental note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

I want all of that for my daughter. If I ever have one.

Songs on the Radio

I woke up gloomy today. I was convinced it was a glich when my alarm went off because the sun wasn't streaming in my window as usual. And I'd had weird dreams about stuff I don't even want to think about. My heart was just heavy. I read through July 6th of My Utmost for His Highest {which I'm loving}, and it offered some really great insight into things I hadn't thought about it a while. But as I plodded away at my work I just felt...funky. And no amount of listening to Train's Marry Me on repeat {which unexplainably makes me very happy} was fixing it.

I skipped the normal sandwhich in the kitchen for lunch and drove to Starbucks and started journaling. Always helps. Things just click into place when I force myself to sit, stop, and talk to God. A lot of the things that were bothering me were silly, some were legitimate. As I was finishing up, some lyrics to my favorite Needtobreathe song came to mind.

Cause if you're not laughing, who is laughing now? I've been wondering if we stop sinking, could we stand our ground?

-The Outsiders

Now look, I don't think that we as Christians are called to slap a stupid smile on everyday and act like everything's hunky dory 24/7. It pisses me off when people do that {or when I do it. guilty.} But I do think that we're supposed to live life like our source of joy is the unchanging, unmoving, always-faithful Creator of the Universe.

 

So yeah, there's a couple of hard things I'm working through with God at the moment. And yeah, there's a possiibilty I'll wake up tomorrow and feel just as funky as I did today. But it doesn't mean I have to let those emotions dictate what I believe to be true. And it doesn't man I don't have the ability to turn it around and be the light I always hope to be. Get me?

 

That is all. Please excuse me, Marry Me is on the radio :)

 

You wear white and I'll wear out the words

I love you, and you're beautiful.

This lady, right here.

Saturday was my amazing Mama's birthday, so that gives me permission to post a picture of me in a diaper and her with those awesome 80's glasses, right?

But seriously, happy belated to the woman who taught me how to appreciate a good glass of wine, a black & white flick, and how to make myself relax. And who is still trying to teach me how to stand up for myself, say no, and not live my life for other people. She's couragous and will love you to the end.

Happy Birthday Mama.
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In other news, this weekend was fantastic. A good bit of Saturday was spent in my bed or on the couch recovering from the 5 miles my best friend and I defeated that morning. Saturday night was fish fry, Sunday was spent in New Rhodes meeting boyfriend's hilarious family and eating crawfish till I thought I'd pop. My 4th was much of the same: family, eating, about to pop.

And then fireworks :) I love fireworks. Even more snuggled up on my main man.

Hope you had a great holiday weekend!!

That Just Ain't Happenin...

We are all so different. Like. Totally different.

We're tall, short, curvy, stick thin, loud, quiet, opinionated, calm, liberal, conservative, creative, talented, fiesty, scatter brained, organized.

Every day we get to make a choice, to be who we know we are, or attempt to conform to what we think the world wants us to be.

For a really long time, I've had this deep desire to be the calm, quiet, helpful young lady that everyone can't help but love. The one that never ruffles any one's feathers, never rocks the boat, offers her advice only when asked, and always has a erethral smile on her face.

I've recently come to the realization that that just ain't happenin'. I've been hardwired with this boisterous, confident, sometimes hilarious personality, and I'm kind of over wanting to be something I'm not. I feel like I do an injustice to the Creator of DNA every time I beat myself up for being so loud at that softball game, or over analyze how much I talked at that dinner. What is with this incessant need to think everyone hates me?

Ridiculous.

I live my life by the seat of my pants. Do now, think later. And yea, I pay the consequences often. But I'm also strong and resilliant and it takes a lot to knock me out of the game. I'm confident in who I am, even though I sometimes act like I'm not beause I feel like that's the way it's supposed to be {twisted}. I'm independent and believe there is really nothing like the strength of a woman, but I find a great deal of satisfaction in someone calling me their girlfriend and the joy that comes from walking through life hand in hand with a man that makes you smile. I am a constant contradiction.

So. Challenge. How did God create you? When you're alone and there's no one around to critique who you are..who are you? Are you quiet and calm? Kudos. Never let anyone tell you you should be any different. Are you loud and opinionated? Yea, me too. Don't waste your days being someone else. Just pray that God puts a guard over your mouth and good friends in your life to love you even when you're being outrageous :)

Oh. And Happy 50th Birthday to a woman who inspired all of us to be who we are. Have you ever watched the Panorama interview of her after her divorce? So brave. Watching her own up to everything-her affairs, her struggle with cutting and bulimia, how strong she was for her sons. She's so inspirational. I hope you feel like a princess today.

In honor of a woman who was